My Husband is NOT the Prince of Peace!

If you know me personally, then you know I have a phobia of germs. This isn't some aversion or dislike, but a true phobia. It is always heightened this time of year and the stomach bug, specifically, is the one I dread the most. Just to give you a glimpse into my world, there is not one day that goes by where I don't, at some point, break out into a full blown panic attack wondering if my children might puke and there isn't one night where I go to sleep without going over my "quickest route to the toilet" plan. It truly does interfere with my daily life and my husband kindly suggests that I need to seek professional help about it. I probably should... some day. ha.

My husband, on the other hand, isn't phased by germs or vomit (still not sure how I married an ER doctor).  On the days he is home from work I always breath a little easier knowing that if he is around - he can deal with the impending sickness and I can run into isolation. When he heads to work, I am more unsettled than usual knowing that if something should happen - I am the sole comforter and cleaner upper.  Jason was supposed to have 11 days off  earlier this month and I was almost praying that the stomach virus would hit during that time because he was home and the baby hasn't been born yet. Of course I would prefer not to have it at all, but if it has to strike his vacation would be the best time. About 6 days into his vacation, he brought up the idea of cutting his vacation short so that he can have more time off after the baby is born. I liked the plan, but I hesitated to give my verbal approval because what if he went back to work early and then the children got sick? What would I do? How would I handle that? I began to freak out.

I was in the shower dreading all the possible (even though unlikely) germ scenarios in my head. I began to process why is it that I feel better when he is around? I began praying and that is when it hit me: I was viewing my husband as my prince of peace. I could object and claim that I wasn't viewing him as THE Prince of Peace, but certainly I had him as a prince of peace in my life. I have these expectations that when he is around I can handle my greatest fear much better than if he isn't home. The peace I feel when he is home is void when he leaves for work. As I sat there with the water running down my face I realized it should not be that way! I confessed to the Lord where I had been wrong and asked Him to be my source of peace and not my husband. I can face germs, illness, and much worse as long as I'm relying on the Lord. He can be my Prince of Peace... since, after all, that is who He is.

Note to self: the "He" in this verse means Jesus, not Jason! ha.

That evening, I told my husband about my "mini breakthrough" and shared with him that it wasn't right of me to put so much pressure on him to be my source of peace. The Lord is with me every day and so if my children get sick when my husband is home or not shouldn't interfere with my confidence that I can handle it, because I can face anything with the Lord. For my phobia, that is much easier said that done, but thinking it is the first step to living it!

This made me wonder where else might I place Christ-like expectations on my spouse? I wrote about my need to let the Lord be my ultimate romancer a few months ago (see this post), but are there other areas? Do I look to him for my comfort? To be my protector and provider? To heal old wounds? To give me direction and sound advice? To be my source of joy or my sense of completion?

I don't know about you, but there are times when I ask my husband to be things that only the Lord should be in my life. While I love my husband and am thankful for all his support and provision... ultimately, I need to be trusting in the Lord and not looking at my husband to fulfill these needs. Having a sense of comfort when he is home can be a good thing in and of itself, but I had made it into an idol by thinking I could only face my fears with him by my side. In reality, I can face my fears with Christ by my side - nothing more, nothing less.