A Grateful Heart.

My husband is currently doing a Bible study on the heart of David and was explaining to me that the reason David was "a man after God's own heart" was because of the heart he had. I've always heard that God loved David's repentive heart, but there are many other areas of his heart that are praised in the Bible and one of them is that David had a grateful heart.

At first internal evaluation of my heart I thought that I had a grateful heart so I didn't think much more of it. However, yesterday, I realized that I might not be naturally prone to having a grateful heart as I would like to think.

My birthday is coming up in a little over a week (August 7th!). Now to me, birthdays are HUGE. They should be celebrated with flair, flamboyance and longevity. My husband has nicknamed birthdays at our house, "Birthday Festivals" because one day of celebrating is just not enough. ;) To be fair, this is how I feel about every holiday and our anniversary as well, but birthdays are certainly special.

This year won't just be my birthday, but my 30th birthday. Wow. I've seriously been talking to him about this for at least six months - how I will need the day to be super special because well, it's my 30th birthday. Recently we found out that he is working from about noon until midnight on my birthday and this was quite depressing to me. Jason has been telling me that he will still try to make my birthday special and I know he will - he has always been very good about planning a fun day and some great gifts. However, this year I want something specific for my birthday. It is expensive and unnecessary and yes, I have my hopes up.

Yesterday, Jason received a very "suspicious" (in a good way) phone call. He was vague on the phone and told the man he would have to call him back. When he hung up and I asked him who it was he got his "I'm planning something" tone and said, "You'll just have to wait and see." To that I said in total 5 year old fashion, "Is it something for my birthday? What are you going to get me? Tell me! Tell me!" He, of course, did not and it left my mind wondering all day.

Based on what I heard from the phone call it sounded like something he ordered had come in. Great, the gift I want has to be ordered. So, I began to plot out how the days leading up to my birthday will look and all that Jason will go through to get me my gift. It was getting me very giddy (I never grew up when it came to gifts and so this is what eats up my thought life around my birthday).

Then, last night, as I was planning this all out in my head I said out loud, "I can't wait to see what his gift is." And then it hit me, in my head I'm assuming it is this one particular gift, but there is an incredibly large chance that it is something else all together. What? I'm not sure, but it is actually a greater chance that it is something else than it is the one thing I've set my heart on.

That's when I thought about David having a grateful heart and I had to reexamine my own heart. Would I be thankful if Jason came home with something else all together? Of course I would like to think that I would be thankful for whatever he gives me, but I know my heart and I know that disappointment and distraction might creep in if the gift is something else. So, again, I had to ask myself, do I have a grateful heart?

That's when it hit me, like so many other things, it is a choice. I prayed for the Lord to give me a grateful heart. Jason is clearly planning something for me and big or small - what I want or not- in the midst of everything else that he is doing he is taking time to try to make my birthday special... I will choose to be grateful. It is no longer a choice for me to feel any other way. I will be grateful for what I have and what Jason is doing for me instead of focusing and placing my thankfulness on one item that might never be mine.

How that same principle can be applied all across my marriage. Am I thankful for my washing machine or do I focus on the laundry I have to do? Am I thankful for a husband who works hard to support us or do I focus on all the times he leaves me with the children? Am I thankful for the friend that my husband is or do I focus on the times we don't get along? Am I thankful for what Jason does and who he is or do I focus on what he doesn't do and who he isn't? Am I thankful for the small gestures he makes or do I wish for grander acts of undying love? This is certainly similar to posts I have written in the past on how powerful our thoughts can be and how joy is a choice, but this is also a heart attitude. Do I have a grateful heart or do I need a heart transplant?

Of course I would say that I am thankful for my life, my husband, and our marriage, but am I grateful? Do I have a grateful heart towards God and towards my husband? I need one. I want one. That is my new prayer for myself. Lord, give me a grateful heart!

What about the Lord and your husband are you grateful for?