50 Shades of Grey...

Yesterday, while the children were napping I turned on a 4 o'clock news program. The anchor began talking about the book Fifty Shades of Grey and how it (or the trilogy?) is about to reach the 20 million dollar sales mark. He began asking what does this really mean about our economy. I didn't exactly know what he was talking about as I have not read the book(s), and, until yesterday, I did not know the plot or anything related to it (to be totally honest, I had seen the title on pinterest and I pinned it to my "ideas for the basement" board because I wanted to paint our basement grey and thought that link would give me great ideas for the color grey... thankfully, I never clicked the link, but somehow realized it was a book and so simply deleted it from my basement board, but that was my extent of knowledge of the book).

The news anchor was clearly not happy about that much money being spent on "that type" of book and he brought on an expert psychologist to ask why are women reading this book? This lady could not have said more harmful things to married women and couples. She first begins by explaining a little of the book's plot (something that the host did not do). For those of you, who like me, are unaware, the book is apparently about a lot of sex - from what I gathered sadistic in nature. Now, to be clear, I have not personally read the books so perhaps I am mistaken, but the "expert" on the news referred to it as "mommy porn" and how clearly these women don't feel loved in their marriage and so are going to the book to meet their needs. She claimed this was a good thing to do. She said men are so tired and don't pay attention or look at their wives and the ladies need books like these to fulfill them. It helps them feel sexual and pretty and that is beneficial for them and their partner. She talked a bout how if you see your wife reading this book, you should be proud of her and perhaps ask her to show you what she wants done from the book. She pointed out that the sales mean there isn't a lot of sex going on inside the home and that in order to help that, couples should watch/read porn together. She said a lot of other things, but I didn't catch all of it because I was so angry and saddened by the things she already had said.

I want to refute what she said about pornography being beneficial and talk about a conversation I had with Jason about this Fifty Shades of Grey book, but before I do, I must clarify that my convictions come from the Bible. I consider myself a Christian and strive to live according to the Bible. So, if you happen to be reading this and you aren't a Christian or don't align yourself with what the Word of God says... then you will think I am crazy or that I'm blowing things out of proportion. And that's okay, you are welcome to think/believe whatever you want, but here are my thoughts based on my faith.

Married or single, pornography is never, ever beneficial. Instead, it is destructive. It adds a third person into your marriage, it opens the door for deadly comparisons, it takes the holiness out of sex, it devalues men, women, and marital sex. It is based on lust and selfish needs. It is adultery and in every way it displeases the Lord. To say that it is beneficial to marriages is a complete lie when in reality it destroys marriages and families and fuels addictions. Pornography doesn't have to be video or photo in nature, but it very well can be in the written form which perhaps (although I can't say for certain because I haven't read it) this Fifty Shades falls into this category. It doesn't have to be to a certain extreme to be considered destructive. It can be in movies, TV, and commercials.

In our marriage, we don't watch movie or TV shows that have nudity or sex scenes/conversations in them because we have made a commitment not to expose ourselves to anything that might hinder the sex life God wants us to have. We have strong internet filters on both our home computers and our phones. This is both for the protection of our children and for ourselves. We are trying to be diligent about guarding our eyes and ears to anything that hinders the pure and incredible gift of sex. And that's how we view sex - as a gift. And I have to say, as a married woman who only believes in sex within the context of wedding vows, I was insulted about this woman's condescending remarks about sex within marriage because that is not the case in our house. It is fulfilling, meaningful, satisfying, and pretty much amazing. Instead of self need driven, it is based on an expression of love and commitment. It is only between us. It is a renewing of our wedding vows, but it requires a lot of communication, work, and prayer - lots and lots of prayer. This post isn't going to be on having a great sex life without pornography (although I do believe a healthy sex life is such an important part of a marriage and a wife's ministry to her husband, but that's a post for another day). But I did want to make sure that I encouraged couples, and especially women, who follow Christ to be on their guard and protect their eyes and ears and minds from intruders in the bedroom... it seems that this book (along with many others) might be one of those intruders. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." God isn't some "prude" who doesn't want fun and creativity in the bedroom. He created sex. He knows all about it and he knows the heartache and destruction that comes when we venture outside of His guidelines. So, prayerfully consider ways to keep your mind, heart, and body pure for your husband or future husband. It will pay off with incredible blessings, this I can promise you.

Now on to my next point about this book. If you have read it (or anything like it) please be cautious who you talk about this book with and where you are. I say this because last night after the kids went to bed I brought this news article up with my husband. I started by asking him if he had ever heard of the book Fifty Shades of Grey and he said yes, that a lot of the ladies who he works with talk about it and one even brings it to work on her Kindle and they all discuss its plot and details. They don't talk to him about it, but they discuss it within ear shot of his desk so he has overheard more than he would have liked to.

At first, I was a little mad that these women would be talking about this book near my husband, but then I felt this burden to pray for him. This particular conversation he overheard has not proven to be much of a stumbling block to him, but yesterday was not the first time he has told me about conversations he has overheard. He has mentioned others in the past and how those words spoken, not to him but around him, can sometimes be a struggle for him to keep out of his mind. I appreciate his honesty and understand his struggle, but I stay home with our children and I have forgotten the intensity of the battlefield that this world can be at times. I need to be much more aggressive in my prayers for his ears and mind to be protected while he is out in the world. I pray that he will continue to be a man of integrity who can stand up for marriage when needed. I also pray that he will be a light in the darkness of this world. I am so thankful that makes choices to be on guard against lustful and evil thoughts, but none of us are above temptations and who can't use more prayers in this area?!

This has also made me think a lot about women, myself included, and how we chat with each other about almost anything when we are together. I know that I don't always take into consideration who is around me or what they might be able to overhear. I would never want to say anything (no matter how innocent my intentions) that might place a mental image or thought into someone's head. I don't want to talk about a book or a movie unless it is pure and uplifting. I don't want to say, "I need to stop by Victoria's Secrete on my way home," when I'm out to lunch with a friend because my waiter might be in ear shot and who knows what images that might send into his head (not even about me, but perhaps about the steamy commercial he saw for Victoria's Secrete the night before). You get the idea, we not only need to pray for our husbands (and sons!) to guard their eyes and their ears, but we need to guard our as well and be careful the words that come out of our mouths because we never know who might be in earshot.




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I apologize if this post was too lengthy or preachy! Getting off my soap box now... :)