Grumpy!

A few weeks ago, there was a particular day where I was feeling grumpy. Do you ever have those days where nothing is right and no matter what you feel cross? I don't know it if was because of a lack of sleep, hormones, or just a random bad mood but, whatever the reason, it wasn't my best day. I was somewhat proud of how well I kept my emotions to myself as I made an effort not to say anything to my husband or my children that would be said simply out of my sour mood... however, I did think some negative thoughts.

My youngest dressed up (and acting the part) of Grumpy the Care Bear - this was my same attitude a few weeks ago!

I am in my third trimester of pregnancy and bending over to pick up toys and pushing the vacuum are actually quite difficult for me these days. Yet, there I was, downstairs, taking care of the children and trying to clean up the house. In my head I was thinking negative thoughts about how I do everything around the house (which isn't true, but I thought it anyway) and all I wanted was my husband to appreciate all that I do for him, for our children, and for our house (which he does, but some days it doesn't seem to count). I spent about 3-5 minutes dwelling on those thoughts and coming up with a plan to get a verbal "thank you" from my husband. (In all fairness to my husband, let me stress, again, that Jason really does do a wonderful job expressing his appreciation for my contributions, but on this particular day I was only focusing on the negative).

In the midst of my negative thoughts, Colossians 3:23-24 flashed through my mine, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Quickly following that verse came 1 Thessalonians 2:6 where Paul says, "we were not looking for praise from people..." and then John 12:43 where it says, "for they loved the praise of men more than praise from God." 

Ouch!

It took almost a minute for those verses to sink in and then, after eating some humble pie, I had such a sweet conversation with the Lord. He asked me why His approval alone wasn't enough. Why did I want my husband to thank me? Was my desire to be praised a signal that my reason for cleaning the house had nothing to do with ministering to my family and being a true servant? Did I view myself as a martyr instead, "Oh, look at all I do around here and I'm pregnant to boot! Quick, someone tell me how great I am!" I began to realize that I was acting prideful, resentful, and self seeking. I was not serving my family in the way in which God has called me.  

He wants me to be a servant like Jesus was: humble, seeking only the praise of the Father, going out of my way to go unnoticed, and completing my tasks with a heart full of joy and gladness. The Lord sees what I do when no one is looking, but He also sees my heart while doing it. Is my heart pleasing to Him if I clean up the house, but am only seeking the approval of my husband? No. Is he pleased if I take care of my children, but do so wondering when I'm going to get a break? No. Is he pleased when I feel like I do everything instead of having a heart that is grateful for all that I have and all that Lord has entrusted to me? No. Does the attitude in my heart mean more to the Lord than keeping a clean a house and taking care of the children? Yes!  

When I view my role as a wife, a mother, and the keeper of our house as a ministry in which the Lord wants me to work at it with all my heart then whether or not my husband notices should not even be a factor. I shouldn't be keeping score. Jason's acknowledgement shouldn't motivate me or hinder me in being the best wife and mother that I can be. My husband simply should be a non-issue in my desire and enthusiasm of being a wife. I am working to please God in my role as a companion and encourager to my husband, as a mother and spiritual shepherd to our children, as the meal maker and house cleaner. My heart should sing praises to Him knowing that I am serving my family all for His glory... not for my own.