In our marriage, I take on the majority of the chores. I do the cooking, dishes, laundry, floors, bathrooms, etc. We came to this arrangement early on without much discussion. I tend to enjoy cleaning (the main struggle now with little children is simply finding the time) and so for the most part house work doesn't bother me. Jason has always done a great job helping me clean when we are hosting for a party or function, but for the daily grind, a bulk of the responsibility is mine. My husband, however, does have a few chores that are exclusively his. He is in charge of the finances, garage and cars. In addition, he puts his own laundry away and takes out all the trash.
We came to the laundry agreement within the first few months of our marriage. I would wash, fold, and put away his clothes and then he would go back and refold them all because he likes his clothes folded a certain way. I tried to learn his folding technique (when my idea of folding is really more like a "tuck and roll"), but was never able to master it. To avoid the annoyance of folding his clothes and then watching him redo everything, we simply agreed that I would wash his clothes and he would put them away. He has put his clothes away for 8 straight years... no exceptions. About a week before Asa was born, his laundry pile was out of control because life became so busy that task was never accomplished. Finally, I offered to fold and put his clothes away for him if he could let go of his specific fold and he actually agreed! I was so excited to serve my husband in that way because it was quite a large amount of clothes and I knew it would bless him. Since then, I have continued to put his clothes away. (Things are changing in our marriage! Ha).
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| My husband's laundry pile on the day I started putting his laundry away! |
Over the course of the last week, our trash cans have seemed to fill up fairly quickly and I have found myself at least three times trying to stuff one more thing into an overflowing waste receptacle. Out of habit and lack of desire, I have never really tried to take the trash out myself. It is something that Jason has always done and so I have always left it for him. Yet, looking at our mini-landfill, I began thinking about the laundry issue and how my husband might appreciate it if I emptied the trash. And so, to date, I have now carried three trash bags to the curb (which is a record in our marriage). I have done so without bringing it to my husband's attention so as to make sure my motives were to bless him and contribute to our marriage rather than do it with the expectation of praise or acknowledgment.
With all the chore changes going on in our house, I began to wonder why and how do married couples divide up their house work? Is their arrangement something they arrive at through premarital counseling or trial and error? Then, I wonder, how often are couples (myself included) open towards a change in the chore agreement after certain patterns have become habitual?
Are you willing to change patterns and routines that have been around since the beginning of your marriage in order to serve your mate? Taking on the responsibilities of your partner not only blesses him, but can give you an appreciation for what they have done over the years! If your husband has a specific way he likes something (like Jason and his folded laundry), always continue to offer to assist in that area because you never know when they might take you up on it (for my husband, in this season of life, his particular preferences gives way and the ease of having someone else help him).
Is your marriage in need of a revamp of the chore list? As a wife, are there chores in your marriage that you could do for your husband out of a desire to bless him?
Happy Cleaning, Everyone! :)
Before kids we split things up very 50/50. We each did our own laundry...our own grocery shopping...out own cooking/dishes and such. We were both working full time and not always the same schedule as each other so it worked for us. It was a huge adjustment when I started to stay home (although I work 50 hours a week at home babysitting other kids), I took on more of the housework. I do all the laundry...mainly because now that I am home, it annoys me to see dirty and clean laundry piles all over the place. We cook equally as much as eachother, except that I make 99.9% of all the kids meals and feed them too.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have anything set in stone. If something needs to be done, who ever is able (and willing) does it. It works for us.
Glad you guys have found something that works for you all and that you all were willing to change it up after having kids. The flexibility factor helps a lot. :)
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